Three Other Ways to Make a Decision in Marriage

As a follow up to last month’s post on how couples make decisions in marriage, I wanted to add another layer to the conversation.

In a previous blog post I discussed three ways in which couples tend to make decisions in marriage (see blog post). As you very well know, life brings to us all sort of different types of decisions and marriages are often paired with very different types of decision makers. So what happens when a couple has two different styles in which they go about carrying out their decision? Well, the answer to that is actually a great question to ask….”Honey, would you prefer me to do this one your way, my way, or our way?”

Let me explain. If my wife were to ask me to vacuum the living room…which she just so happens to do so on occasionJ… I’ve learned that it is most effective if I clarify what type of vacuuming she has in mind. For instance, my way would be to simply plug the vacuum in, push it around any available floor space that doesn’t require too much furniture movement, and be done in time before the football game is back on. However, more times than not, her way is to clear out the majority of objects that reside in our living room…including our kidsJ, thoroughly clean nearly every square inch of the carpet, then put the finishing touches by spraying a “freshly vacuumed fragrance” throughout the area.

As you can tell, our preferred styles are totally two different legitimate approaches and if neither of us are clear on what the level of expectation is, or the level of willingness is to meet that expectation, we will likely find ourselves in a “your way vs. my way” version of spousal tug of war. Thankfully, we have developed an ability to verbalize a third option…“our way”. For the vacuuming scenario, “our way” is simply to rotate the different approaches unless it is otherwise noted by both of us based on the current situation.

Can you relate to this example? How about other areas of decisions in your married life? For instance, when you go shopping with your spouse…are you more of a “browser” or a “hunter”. Or when you go to a restaurant…do you pre-plan exactly everything you will order before you get there…or do you order at the very last moment using the eenie meenie miny moe approach?

Although these seem like trite examples, the reality is that marriage satisfaction and stability is greatly increased when couples learn to:

1.      Acknowledge their own preferred styles

2.      Accept their spouses style as a legitimate way of doing things

3.      Collaboratively work together on finding a “common ground” solution

4.      Purposely practice using each of the above three steps in a variety of areas in their marriage

What’s important is that no matter how many differences the two of you may have in your ways of navigating through life, that by God’s grace, He always provides you with an opportunity to move away from the “me versus you” mentality and more towards the “us versus it” approach.

Justin

Honoring Mothers

As the calendar moves through May, and we approach the upcoming Mother’s Day, I would like to dedicate this blog to mothers.  So, how do we define who is a mother? The dictionary lists a mother as this…

Mother, (noun);

1.      A woman who conceives, gives birth to, or raises and nurtures a child.

2.      A woman who holds a position of authority or responsibility similar to that of a mother.

3.      A woman who creates, originates, or founds something.

4.      Maternal love and tenderness

Clearly mothers are important, in fact they are essential. In order to grow as children, as adults, and as fellow Christians, we are to take very seriously the way in which we acknowledge and honor our mothers.  When the Bible declares “honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12), it isn’t referring to simply honoring with words or with memories. Rather honoring your father and mother is being respectful in word and action and having an inward attitude of esteem for their position (see Mark 7:6). In fact, the Greek word for honor means “to revere, prize, and value. Although not all reading this will have great experiences with their mothers, or perhaps not have had the benefit of having a biological mother in their life. But most likely, all of us have been positively impacted by someone in this world who has been a symbol and a model of mothering. So what are personal practical ways to honor your mothers, not just on mother’s day with a card or flowers, but rather on a regular and purposeful basis?

You could consider any one of the following:

o   Write her a heartfelt letter

o   Call her, just to say hello

o   Visit her, in person or in memory

o   Send flowers to her "just because"

o   Create a sentimental keepsake

o   Take her out on “a date” with activities you know she enjoys

o   Look at the family albums and scrapbooks together

o   Share with her your favorite memories of her

o   Make a collage with words describing the type of character she has helped you develop

I wish all mothers, those who play a motherly role, and those who have been blessed by a mother, a very happy and honoring Mother’s Day!

Justin

Famous Quotes About Mothers:

"Only God Himself fully appreciates the influence of a Christian mother in the molding of character in her children".  ~ Billy Graham

              
Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.
 ~ Author Unknown

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. ~ Sophia Loren

All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother. ~ Abraham Lincoln

A mother’s love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking. ~ Ann Rice

A mother understands what a child does not say. ~ Author Unknown