The Meaning of Fatherhood

As Father’s Day approaches, I would like to take this opportunity to reflect on the importance and value a father has in the role he is given from God.

               A dictionary definition of father:

                              Father, (noun and verb);

1.      A male parent or any male acting in a paternal capacity;

2.     A male who originates something;

3.     To perform the tasks or duties of a male parent;

4.     To assume as one’s own; take the responsibility of;

As you can see above, the word father infers both a noun ( a sense of being) as well as a verb ( a sense of acting). From my experience as a son, a son-in law, and a father of three, as well as a marriage and family therapist who has had the privilege of encountering countless men and fathers, I seek to shed light on what the word father has come to mean to me.

Spiritually, being a father is about being given a God-trusted responsibility of an innocent child, group of children or a position of leadership, and to respond with a willingness to be humbled, overcome fear with faith, and resolve to preserve through endless unknown trials with conviction. Spiritually, being a father is also about holding my child in my arms and knowing that their life experiences, sense of safety, understanding of love, and growth in faith is bestowed upon me to take the initiative and lead with love, regardless of my past experiences with men and fathers of my own.  As God designed it, being a father is also about creating a loving relationship with their mother, a type of love that provides assurance and stability, as well as a blueprint of how true intimacy, respect and compassion can create a source of life and security for those who dwell in it.

In everyday life experiences, I’ve found that being a father is about watching a little person who so eerily reminds me of someone I know be capable of melting my heart with a smile, or wrenching my soul when they are in pain. Being a father is about doing whatever it takes, including late night bottle feedings, last minute store runs for that one missing part of their upcoming gift surprise, as well as committing to what seems like hundreds of dance recitals, school activities, sporting events, and eating humble pie each time I will have to remember how to do elementary math problems I learned decades ago.

From having several father-like figures play a significant role in my life, I’ve witnessed that being a father is about being willing to teach, reteach, repeat again, then apprehensively watch the younger generation completely dismiss all the wise teachings and do it their version anyway. Yet, being a father is also about lovingly accepting their apology and with purposefulness allowing them to learn from their mistakes and take ownership of their experiences. I’ve also experienced that fatherhood has absolutely nothing to do with genetics, legal custody agreements, or titles, rather it’s about taking the opportunity to speak truth and love into a young child, or a young adult’s heart while never depending on the recognition or praise in order to know that it made a difference in their life and likely for generations to come. I’ve also first-hand observed that being a father is about investing in your children for decades, only to be strong enough to smile as you watch them walk down their own path and calling in life, whether it be walking across the podium, walking down the aisle, or walking out of sight in the airport, yet with a silent affirmation of knowing that what the father has invested in their heart will be given an opportunity to produce fruit in the child’s future.

As I’ve professionally interacted with countless fathers over the years, I’ve seen that being a father is about both the excitement and joy that comes with the news of a pregnancy, as well as the devastating heartbreak from the stories of holding a stillborn child in parent’s arms, or placing the final rose on the grave of an unrealized dream that God called home earlier than they hoped for. I’ve learned that the calling of fatherhood runs so spiritually deep that even when a man’s own childhood experiences have been of abuse, addictions, or abandonment, God prepares their heart to push past the pain and eternally transform it into love, hope and dedication, for a child of their own.

I’ve learned that fatherhood is also about checking for monsters in the closet, scaring away the teenage boys who want to date their daughters and double checking seatbelts even when they are in their twenties, not out of unwarranted anxiety, rather out of a call of duty to protect and promote healthy transition throughout the stages of life.

I’ve learned that fatherhood is more than about being “the master of the grill”, “the keeper of the lawn”, “the tinkerer in the garage”, “the coach on the field”, or “the scout troop leader”, or any other stereotype fathers tend to fall under.  Fatherhood may entail those things, rather it’s more about the attitude and level of engagement that the father has when performing these roles, hopefully with  an attitude out of love, encouragement and support, rather than one out of obligation, pride or control.

I’ve also come to see that being a father doesn’t end when the children leave the home, have children of their own or begin to take care of their own parents as they move towards the end of their life, rather a father’s love and duty, has been divinely designed to cover the lifespan of each child, as well as return to God the Father for true strength, mercy, and wisdom.

As we take time to celebrate this Father’s Day, I pray a prayer of thanks, love, and support for each and every man who has taken up the call from God Our Father, and has allowed someone in this world to
be “loved as He loves us”.

Happy Father’s Day!

Justin