Where Has All The Romance Gone? Part 1- The Stages of Love

What type of season is it in your marriage? Spring blooming into Summer, or Fall slipping into Winter? It’s somewhat interesting how Valentine’s Day is about “the warmth of love and burning romance” yet it is smack dab in the middle of winter…or at least winter weather for here in the Midwest. So whether your relationship resembles reality TV shows with dream dates, or more like a real-life version of “the facts of (married) life” fear not, because God has a plan to reignite and strengthen the love in your marriage no matter what type of marital weather you may be facing.

Today, we will look at the different stages that all marriages will not only face, but will need to learn to navigate through not just once, but often several times over. While there are many great marriage resources and authors who present the predictable marriage stages in important and distinct detail, I invite you to take a moment and reflect on a few questions that represent three key stages you have likely already experienced: Infatuation, Disillusionment, and Joy.

The Infatuation Stage:
* What attracted you to your spouse?
* What set him/her apart from all others in your life?
* What specifically could you not get enough of about them, or about how you felt around them?

The Disillusionment Stage:
* At what point did you begin to realize that your “picture perfect” ______ (spouse/marriage/life) wasn’t going to be quite as “happily ever after” as you once imagined or were told it would be?
* What things started to dampen the fire of love you once had for them? (time, energy, life responsibilities?) or (specific events, choices, realities that caused hurt, anger or unforgiveness)

The Renewed Joy Stage:
* What are the specific things about your spouse or marriage that you could never live without…even despite the things you wish you didn’t have to live with?
* Despite any annoyances or even hurts you may have, what helps keep your relationship still intact and alive?
* What helps you focus on the bigger spiritual picture of your marriage?

As you reflect on the above questions, it is important to remember that no marriage will ever be perfect. Rather, if we are willing to submit ourselves to God’s design, all marriages are promised to be continually perfected (see 1 John 4:18). Remember, it is not the type of season that you are in that defines the marriage, rather it is how you respond to it, and how you recognize opportunities to draw
towards a deeper renewed joy stage.

Also, if you are in the renewed joy stage, it is about thankfully embracing, enjoying and cherishing that, while acknowledging the reality that life events or circumstances may shift you out of that stage at some point. Thankfully, it is God’s design to teach, grow and love you and your marriage through each stage regardless of the circumstances and choices others may be making. As much as your marriage is about two individuals who have taken a vow to pursue an unconditional love, God is also equally married to the two of you and will show everlasting strength of love that will truly cast out all things.

My prayer is for your marriage and all marriages to be a witness as well as a contributor to the great design He has made for a husband and a wife, and may He always help you weather the storms!


Justin