Investing in Quality Time with Your Children

Much has been written about the importance of spending quality time with those you love, especially with your children. For children, quality time means much more than simply scheduling something to do or a place to visit. When we spend quality time with our children, they receive the important messages from us that, “You are valuable to me and you are a priority in my life”. In fact, as adult children, we never really grow out of our need for quality time and proximity to those we look for love in our lives.

 From a personal perspective, some of my fondest memories are not of “just doing things” or “just buying things” but rather “being present” and “enjoying the moment”, whether it be with my parents and family when I was younger, or with my wife and children in more recent times. What is interesting is that I don’t always remember what I did, where I was or who else was there, rather, I can more detailed describe how it felt and what the experience was like. Now as a father, I am able to re-live some of those cherished memories by investing similar time and attention to my children, and when I do I experience such a joy that they might not even realize they are filling my heart just as much as I am filling theirs.

From a professional therapist’s insight, I encourage parents to find a balance of two types of quality time: “shoulder to shoulder” and “heart to heart”. Oftentimes parents will find one of those styles more natural and preferred, yet to be able to offer both to your children is a wise investment of your time and energy.

It may be helpful to make a list of “shoulder to shoulder” activities that you both have in common, perhaps something that you can teach them and help them to participate with you in. Likely your children are looking for opportunities to join you on some project or activity, and even if there aren’t a lot of words said or emotions shared, they value knowing that they are loved and included by an important person in their life.

As for “heart to heart” time, you may find it awkward or even scary to check in on your child’s heart and their emotional world. Yet, I assure you that they will emotionally, relationally and spiritually benefit from knowing that you aren’t afraid to ask them the tough questions or to invite them to freely share their thoughts and perspectives. When appropriate, I encourage you to share parts of your heart and express to them who you are, maybe not just as their parent but as a person who is also walking through the life God has provided. Often times this type of connecting opens up a deeper sense of trust and confidence in their relationship with you, which leads to improved self-esteem and readiness to be healthy in the other relationships they have.

If you are looking for more resources and ideas, I strongly recommend the work of Christian author Gary Chapman, particularly his books titled “The Five Love Languages of Children” and “The Five Love Languages of Teens”.

So how about you? What are the ways that work for you of not just “spending time” but rather “investing quality time” with your children?

 Justin