As Father’s Day
approaches, I would like to take this opportunity to reflect on the importance
and value a father has in the role he is given from God.
A dictionary definition of
father:
Father, (noun and
verb);
1. A male parent or any male acting in a
paternal capacity;
2. A male who originates something;
3. To perform the tasks or duties of a male
parent;
4. To assume as one’s own; take the
responsibility of;
As you can see
above, the word father infers both a noun ( a sense of being) as well as a verb
( a sense of acting). From my experience as a son, a son-in law, and a father
of three, as well as a marriage and family therapist who has had the privilege
of encountering countless men and fathers, I seek to shed light on what the
word father has come to mean to me.
Spiritually,
being a father is about being given a God-trusted responsibility of an innocent
child, group of children or a position of leadership, and to respond with a
willingness to be humbled, overcome fear with faith, and resolve to preserve
through endless unknown trials with conviction. Spiritually, being a father is
also about holding my child in my arms and knowing that their life experiences,
sense of safety, understanding of love, and growth in faith is bestowed upon me
to take the initiative and lead with love, regardless of my past experiences
with men and fathers of my own. As God
designed it, being a father is also about creating a loving relationship with
their mother, a type of love that provides assurance and stability, as well as
a blueprint of how true intimacy, respect and compassion can create a source of
life and security for those who dwell in it.
In everyday life
experiences, I’ve found that being a father is about watching a little person
who so eerily reminds me of someone I know be capable of melting my heart with
a smile, or wrenching my soul when they are in pain. Being a father is about
doing whatever it takes, including late night bottle feedings, last minute
store runs for that one missing part of their upcoming gift surprise, as well
as committing to what seems like hundreds of dance recitals, school activities,
sporting events, and eating humble pie each time I will have to remember how to
do elementary math problems I learned decades ago.
From having
several father-like figures play a significant role in my life, I’ve witnessed
that being a father is about being willing to teach, reteach, repeat again,
then apprehensively watch the younger generation completely dismiss all the
wise teachings and do it their version anyway. Yet, being a father is also
about lovingly accepting their apology and with purposefulness allowing them to
learn from their mistakes and take ownership of their experiences. I’ve also
experienced that fatherhood has absolutely nothing to do with genetics, legal
custody agreements, or titles, rather it’s about taking the opportunity to
speak truth and love into a young child, or a young adult’s heart while never
depending on the recognition or praise in order to know that it made a
difference in their life and likely for generations to come. I’ve also
first-hand observed that being a father is about investing in your children for
decades, only to be strong enough to smile as you watch them walk down their
own path and calling in life, whether it be walking across the podium, walking
down the aisle, or walking out of sight in the airport, yet with a silent affirmation
of knowing that what the father has invested in their heart will be given an
opportunity to produce fruit in the child’s future.
As I’ve
professionally interacted with countless fathers over the years, I’ve seen that
being a father is about both the excitement and joy that comes with the news of
a pregnancy, as well as the devastating heartbreak from the stories of holding
a stillborn child in parent’s arms, or placing the final rose on the grave of
an unrealized dream that God called home earlier than they hoped for. I’ve
learned that the calling of fatherhood runs so spiritually deep that even when a
man’s own childhood experiences have been of abuse, addictions, or abandonment,
God prepares their heart to push past the pain and eternally transform it into
love, hope and dedication, for a child of their own.
I’ve learned
that fatherhood is also about checking for monsters in the closet, scaring away
the teenage boys who want to date their daughters and double checking seatbelts
even when they are in their twenties, not out of unwarranted anxiety, rather
out of a call of duty to protect and promote healthy transition throughout the
stages of life.
I’ve learned
that fatherhood is more than about being “the master of the grill”, “the keeper
of the lawn”, “the tinkerer in the garage”, “the coach on the field”, or “the
scout troop leader”, or any other stereotype fathers tend to fall under. Fatherhood may entail those things, rather
it’s more about the attitude and level of engagement that the father has when
performing these roles, hopefully with an attitude out of love, encouragement and
support, rather than one out of obligation, pride or control.
I’ve also come
to see that being a father doesn’t end when the children leave the home, have
children of their own or begin to take care of their own parents as they move
towards the end of their life, rather a father’s love and duty, has been
divinely designed to cover the lifespan of each child, as well as return to God
the Father for true strength, mercy, and wisdom.
As we take time
to celebrate this Father’s Day, I pray a prayer of thanks, love, and support
for each and every man who has taken up the call from God Our Father, and has
allowed someone in this world to
be “loved as He loves us”.
Happy Father’s
Day!
Justin
